When you’ve just turned 18 and you’re SO FUCKING EXCITED to go clubbing for the first time

And you’re desperate to be noticed and have all the stereotypical stuff happen

Want someone to get all up in your shit and know you’re hot stuff, dance like you’re on tour with Beyonce, get wasted yet still be beautifully coordinated…

But you overcompensate and look like a dirty drunken rodeo clown.

The lighting in the lobby is very yellow but does not mask my BURNT FACE.

I decided at last to say fuck it to societal conventions of China and NOT cover my boobs because I don’t have anything that looks good to throw over the top or underneath my dress and I’m tired of the fashion policing and shut shaming really. I hate having to deliberate over what I wear based on the chances I may show a tiny bit of cleavage or shoulder or too much collarbone. It’s exhausting, makes me sweat horribly and feel disgusting, and I really don’t have much in the way of clothing to choose from anyway.

I got told after the incident that the harassment and attention I’d dealt with out here in general was entirely my fault because I dressed “too sexy” when the outfits I generally wore were spaghetti strapped tank tops that sat along my bust line paired with knee length tulle - puffed skirts featuring childlike patterns that were borderline casual lolita.

Today is quite different and much more of a quiet “fuck you” because I’m sunburnt and dehydrated and boiling hot and tired and I just want to wear what I want to wear, no shame or settling or trying so damned hard to fit in. I don’t garner attention because of what I wear. I was violated when I was wearing a floor length skirt and baggy round neck tshirt, literally just my forearms and neck showing. I was violated because of male entitlement and lack of control, because out here women are content to say boys will be boys, men will be men, men are precious and women need to cover up shut up sit down.

It’s not a blatant, in your face, shout it out loud law.

It’s just woven into the fabric of China so tightly you can’t see the individual stitches just the quality of the cloth.

I got a bit burned
Wearing patterned tights

I never made it to Dongmen. I just wandered and sat with my dollar bottle of JD and coke out is Dairy Queen like a sad laowai wondering where the hell I can get bleach/hair dye.

The answer is probably Dongmen.


Back out to Dongmen and on the search for Walmart in Bao’an. Actually feel cute for once!

This is the dirtiest drink I’ve had in China so far.

It actually is not ejaculate. It’s “fruit juice”. That doesn’t fill me with confidence. It tastes like dragonfruit and salt.

burlesqueheart inquired:
odd up to 21?

  • 1. Post a picture of u?
  • 3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
    I don’t really have a tremendous preference here but I tend to form more lasting bonds with women.
  • 5. Can you commit to one person?
  • 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
    Black thong and a white dress cum nightgown because I owned a pair of pyjamas and a onesie…which ripped in the wash and my functional PJs are in the wash right now.
    The thong is for pseudo modesty whilst actually being a bit trashy, woo!
  • 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
    Neither recently. I only own skirts and dresses. Before I rarely wore sweats and owned 1 pair of jeans.
  • 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
    Bit of column A, bit of column B… I’m an introvert, so while I’m not intentionally, overly antisocial, sometimes I just need a break to recharge.
  • 13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
    I can be. If I have the energy I’m masterful, if I’m around people who know me well I’m still quite good, if I secretly want people to know what I’m feeling I’m sometimes still too good at masking them. If I’ve had enough I radiate the truth and absolutely suck at it.
    TL;DR - Depends upon my mood, but generally yes.
  • 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
    Depends upon the people. In general I care a little but if it’s people I love then I’m hugely affected.
  • 17. When was the last time you cried?
    With laughter: Today at that bloody ice bucket challenge. I’m bleeediiiiing.
    With sorrow: Today because I’d just had enough of Loring’s shit, had enough of being a laowai and feeling useless, unwanted, alienated.
  • 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
    This is part of why I love circle lenses. I can whenever I want and HUGELY too. That’s good enough for me.
  • 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
    End of my day but I didn’t like having Loring refuse to go to school because I was the one taking him to the bus.

safe blanket fort

and fish face


My babyyyyyyy

Dis corset…